If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I can't seem to shed a tear without thinking to myself "if dad were here, maybe this would be different." I can't have a happy event in my life without just for a moment getting extremely heart broken because you are not here to share the happiness with me. I can't talk about my past, because it some how gets distorted with emotions. I will never be able to take my son to go fishing with his grandpa, or my husband spend quality time with my dad. I will never be able to call you up just to see how you are doing, and pass time by talking about nothing important. I will never know how you felt before you left us. You weren't there to walk me down the aisle. And you weren't there to hold your first grandson. You will never be there when I just need to talk, and I won't be able to call anyone dad ever again.

Did you know my dad? Maybe he was just like yours? He was always there for very school play, and school event. He taught me to play ball, and fish. We went camping almost every weekend. And I know now, it wasn't just because that was what he liked to do. We we're making memories and spending quality time together. He loved to bbq and spend time with us. He went off roading and made it look easy. My dad taught me to shoot my first gun and ride my first bike. He served in the military until he couldn't anymore. He loved this country we call America and hung a flag outside our door. It may sound like a damn country song, but it was my life. Maybe this is why country music is my genre of choice. My dad ironed his clothes and always looked good. We would hike to no where, just to see the view. He had the same dog for almost 20 years and his name was King. I miss that dog. My dad was older than all of my friends dads, but he could out run them, with time to spare. My dad wasn't better than anyone's, but he was MINE. I only got to have my dad for 13 short years. He managed to teach more more in those short years than I have learned my entire life. And I thank God for those 13 short years I got to have my dad. They flew by, and in the wink of an eye they were gone. I didn't get to say goodbye, and I'm not sure that would've helped. I loved my dad just as much as anyone could ever love someone. He didn't have to love me though, you see I found out later on he was my step dad all along.

I see people everyday fighting and carrying on. I see them not talk to their parents for years and some don't even know if they are okay. My dad was far from perfect, but this feeling inside I've learned, will never go away. In fact it seems to rapidly change. The emotions that come from my fathers death are describable. It breaks my heart that some have to experience this before they ever appreciate their fathers. And let's be clear, a father doesn't mean someone who gave you life, because let's face it, that means nothing unless they are there to nurture that life. So blood means nothing when you are calling someone dad, but Dad means everything when there is love, hope and trust behind it. They don't have to be your dad, but that special someone deserves to know you appreciate and love them like one. Because that in itself means the world.